june 18, 2013

I feel like I'm in a place where no one understands me. where no one even takes the time to get to know me. where someone will take one glance at my wrist and they'll judge me, when they dont even know what's happening. I'm in a world where people would rather die then be themselves. people are so damnable judgemental. nobody even tries to get to know the real you. they would rather just judge you by what you look like or go by the rumors because that takes less effort.
I mean honestly, it bugs me so much and it just shows that you never have a real true friend. and people just judge even if they're the ones telling people not too. everyone does it at some point in their lives. all I'm asking from someone is just a little help.

journal nonsense cont.

will it get easier? perhaps. this life is so complicated, and completely unfair. but thats what life is. should I give up and just quit, or should I keep pushing through. I want to make it out alive. I want to mean something to someone. I don't want to be worthless anymore. what do I have to do? scratching myself till I bleed, that helped for a little bit. but now its just a habit that's destroying the same patch of skin over and over again. I want someone to notice me. I want someone to care about me and love me for who I am. I WANT TO MATTER!
I want this life to get easier. the sad thing is ...
I enjoy the pain of hurting myself.
-help

journal nonsense

i miss having that one person that i could tell everything too. i trusted her with my life. its just so god damn annoying that i tried so hard to make our friendship work and she just threw it all away. she knew my deepest darkest secrets. she was the one person that knew me better than i knew myself. it can be tough saying goodbye to the other half of you. I wanted our friendship to last. with her, I knew it wouldn't. so then why did I try so hard for something if it was just made to crumble? shes moved on to "new bestfriends" while I'm sitting here writing about it wondering if things might change. 11:11, make a wish. I wish that life was easier, less complicated. my dad says if it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you. true or false?

first page in my journal.

oh colt. where do i even begin. hes amazing. and i like him alot. he knows that. i love talking to him, he makes me smile. when i talk to him, it makes me feel like im the only girl in the world that he wants to talk to!:) when i talk to him, i dont know, i just sort of feel like it gets boring sometimes, because we already know do much about eachother that we dont know what else to say. so now we just type faces to eachother. i dont know what to say anymore. except for i think i might love him, but im too scared to say it. i dont like when i don't talk to him because it
makes me feel alone, like nobody loves me. i dont know. i just cant stand not talking to him.

UGH!

does anyone even seem to care at all? I mean really? they have a pretty shitty way of showing it if they do. do you want to know me? does anyone even look at this blog. maybe if I just let everything out ill feel better. but I guess if nobody even reads this blog then that's a good thing!